We all know people who have a certain magnetism and charisma. What is it exactly that makes them so compelling?
My guest today explores that question in his book Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make People Influential, and primarily locates the answer in two such hidden qualities: strength and warmth. His name is Matthew Kohut and today on the show he explains why it is we find the combination of strength and warmth so attractive in others, and how we can cultivate these traits ourselves, including in the way we dress, carry ourselves, and talk. Matt then gives advice on how to display strength and warmth in different situations we might find ourselves in, from acing a job interview to managing a crisis at work. We end our conversation with that most perennial question of body language: what to do with your hands when you speak.
- The relationship between strength and warmth in charisma
- Why do we respond positively to strong people?
- What does it mean to be “warm”?
- Are there downsides to warmth?
- How to assess your own warmth-strength meter
- The matrix of how the relationship between these two qualities play out in real life
- How context determines whether to display more warmth or strength (and how to figure it out)
- The importance of your posture and appearance
- Conveying strength when you aren’t physically large/imposing
- The value of non-verbals: our smile, eye contact, etc.
- Cultivating “unconscious competence”
- Showing vs telling that you understand people
- What do you do with your hands when speaking?
Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast
- 5 Ways to Build Your Personal Magnetism
- The Charisma Myth
- A Study in Charisma From Tender Is the Night
- Our series on the 3 elements of charisma
- Difficult Conversations, Small Talk, and Charisma
- AoM’s social skills archives
- The Misunderstood Machiavelli
- Using Body Language to Create a Dynamite First Impression
- The Ultimate Guide to Posture
- AoM’s style archives
- Dressing Taller: 10 Tips for Short Men
- How to Make Eye Contact the Right Way
- Robert Kennedy’s speech after MLK’s assassination
- How to Improve Your Speaking Voice
Connect With Matthew
Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)
Recorded on ClearCast.io
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